Stop Avoiding the Hard Talks: A Leader’s Guide to Tough Conversations
August 19, 2025
Avoiding difficult conversations is a common trap for leaders. In fact, 69% of managers report discomfort when communicating with employees, and 37% avoid giving direct feedback for fear of negative reactions (HBR).
Leaders either avoid it altogether, conduct it via indirect methods like email, or are so vague the employee never gets the point.
But avoidance comes at a cost: disengagement.
According to Gallup, a 1,000-person company with average salaries of $50K could lose $60.3 million annually due to employee disengagement. Even more startling – 11% of employees quit to avoid tough conversations.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
As Brené Brown reminds us, “We are biologically wired to avoid discomfort. But often, the path to peace and fulfillment runs straight through it.”
So where do you begin? Use the FBI Model to gain more confidence in your approach and ensure a productive conversation:
F – Feelings
Speak from your perspective. Be open and vulnerable. The goal is to build trust. Let them know you want to work together to resolve the issue and avoid any accusatory language.
Example: “Please be patient as I may not say this perfectly, but I’d like to talk through this together.”
B – Behavior
Address the situation, using actual, observable, detailed information. Help them to recall the situation and understand why it is being addressed.
Example: “You interrupted me during last Friday’s meeting while I was presenting.”
I – Impact
Explain the result and potential long-term impact of the behavior.
Example: “If this continues, I’m concerned it will affect client satisfaction and our bottom line.”
Once you’ve had a productive conversation, move toward action using the GROW model:
- Goals – Define the desired outcome
- Reality – Assess the current situation and roadblocks
- Options – Explore strategies and an action plan to achieve your goals
- Will – Agree on next steps and commitment
Great leaders don’t shy away from hard conversations. Instead, they navigate them with clarity and care.
“Communication is not about speaking what we think. Communication is about ensuring others hear what we mean.” – Simon Sinek
Leaders who lean into discomfort and approach conversations with empathy and structure build stronger, more accountable teams. Using tools like the FBI and GROW frameworks, you can turn avoidance into action – and fear into meaningful connection.
After all, the toughest conversations often lead to the most powerful growth.
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